The Blame Game, at one time or another we've all played it.

Yesterday I was driving to my grandmother’s house, about thirty minutes away, and I just felt crumby. You know that feeling that you sometimes just can’t seem to shake off, every thought in your head is negative, you create traumatic situations in your mind of things just plain going wrong, or think about something that is bothering you and look for someone to blame, assigning it negative reason. It was one of those moments. Where you get stuck in the “negative Nellie” mindset, and feel so crappy that your brain tells you it is better to stay there; after all, why put in the effort if things will just keep going as badly as they are now? (Obviously incorrect way of thinking) I was blaming my lack of sleep on my crankiness, due to my infant keeping me up all night. In reality I had a choice as to how I felt, and the actions I took, but even as a life and law of attraction coach, sometimes I get in a funk. There are no excuses…we need to turn it around post haste before the universe brings us more things that annoy, perturb, and deflate our positive attitudes. First, we need to understand The Blame Game.
Excuses we make so that we don't have to take responsibility for our reality:

• I am cranky because I am tired because my baby kept me up all night.
• My house is messy because my partner never helps me clean it.
• I don't make as much as I should because our corporate office doesn't value my work.

Notice the "because" in all of the above...it indicates blame. Blame is a defense mechanism, a bad one. It can only hurt you and the person you are blaming; nothing good comes of it. Blame is focusing on the negative. We know that negative vibrations=more negative events. This is not to say that constructive criticism or identifying inequalities to find creative solutions does not have merit, but blaming for the sake of blaming does no good. You can change your day or a situation from negative to positive at any time!
When we blame circumstances on factors other than our own thought, emotions, and action, we are telling the universe that situations we view in our reality are outside of our control, and that we are not really the creators of our own lives. The universe can only say yes, it can only bring us what we believe and feel.
Bad things happen to good people, yes, but we attract them in one way or another. The MAIN problem occurs when we give negative meaning to a situation.
Giving negative meaning raises our negative vibration. Our negative vibration just attracts more of the same...happenings we view as negative! Remember that things don't happen TO us, they happen AROUND us, within our scope of reality, because we choose to focus on them.
Let's examine what IS in our control:
We can suspend judgment by taking a step back from the situation. Often we start to "foresee" bad things happening in our lives based on one little hiccup. For example, your car gets a flat tire on the way to work in the morning. You may think one or more of the following: My boss will be mad at me that I am late which means that she may not give me the raise I've been hoping for which means that we will never be able to pay off our house to retire early, which means that all of our travel plans will be botched up...and on and on and on. In reality, all that happened is that you have a flat tire, but placing your thoughts on negative things that have not even occurred just attracts more negative things to you. Suspend judgment. Tell yourself that it is neither good nor bad, it just IS. Remind yourself that there is always a solution. Involve the universe by letting it know that you are open to a solution, and remember that the universe is here to bring us the greatest good among infinite possibilities. Realize that if there IS a meaning to this, then it must be good. My mother always said that if the universe stops you in your tracks, then it means there is a fork in the road. We choose to make it negative or positive. That being said...
We can control the way we respond to a situation. We can take a deep breath, smile, find the positive in the situation and at least three other things to be grateful for that day. This puts us in the positive vibration arena attracting more positive things to us.
We can control whether we smile or frown; it takes far fewer muscles to smile, and it is proven that we release endorphins when we smile. When smiling we actually become happy.
We can control the emotions we feel; we can decide that we are going to be positive. If we are struggling to make that transition we can always use a "switch" like the Empire State Building. A switch is a neutral picture that we can visualize. Visualize the switch and then move your mind into something positive like children’s laughter, or a delicious cup of our favorite coffee. Focus on something that makes you happy...it will raise your positive vibrations and draw what you want to you.
When we take responsibility for the happenings in our life we prove that we are in complete control.
Something to always remember; the universe does not judge what it gives us as good or bad, it just is. That being said we need to remember that the universe can only send us so many things at one "time" due to our minds ability to process reality at a limited speed. If you focus on things which you give a negative meaning, more things which you give a negative meaning will inevitably head your way and change what you see in your scope of reality. Don't give things a negative meaning OR don't give things which you give a negative meaning much, if any of your focus. What we focus on we think about, and what we think about becomes our reality. Remember that the law of attraction is just that; a law! As a law it must obey the rule of "my thoughts become things".
If you feel as though you are "stuck" in your current situation ask yourself how often you talk about the things you give bad meaning compared to the things that you give good meaning. Our society has conditioned us to discuss the negative, to externally search out solutions, when it is not our external world which controls the law of attraction. Phrases such as "it feels good to talk about it" or "you'll never find a solution if you don't search out an answer" are commonly heard at the water cooler, on television, and from friends, but the honest truth is that our focus creates our reality. Instead of focusing on the problem, focus on the "feeling" of a positive solutions. Don't worry about HOW the problem will be fixed. It will be fixed by focusing on the belief and feeling that a solution is already present. This has proven to be difficult for many people. My solution: transference. Take the feeling of accomplishment you felt from another challenging situation and transfer that feeling of accomplishment and peace to this situation. Visualize the old situation and your success, and then immediately visualize telling yourself "it is wonderful that I have had such success solving ______ (your current challenge) too!" Visualize either watching the current challenge solved or discussing/hearing others and yourself talk about the problem being solved.
This has helped me and my coaching students far more than complaining about a problem. It keeps us in the flow of energy, it raises our belief that there is a solution, it negates the "how" allowing the universe to do its’ work, and it releases from us negative energy that builds up when we worry about a given situation.
Easy Steps to Remember:
Don’t judge the situation as good or bad; it just is. Ask the universe to show you the good in the situation.
Focus on what is happening NOW, not on any potential repercussions of the current situation. They have not happened yet, so why worry about them? If reality hasn’t happened yet we can still change it.
Take a step back and note the positives in the situation. For example: Flat tire = time to regroup if you are waiting for assistance, practice being positive, and time to enjoy the fresh air outdoors if we must change it ourselves. Look for a positive to the situation. Give the situation a positive meaning. “Well at least I got to _____ (me=enjoy my cup of coffee while waiting for help) today”.
If you are struggling with negative thoughts, use a switch to refocus your thoughts, or use transference to feel positive.

Today I am grateful for all of the tools and techniques that I have learned to shift my energy from a low negative vibration to a high positive vibration. I am grateful for the ability to help others do the same through blogging, coaching, and neuro-linguistic reprogramming.

If you have questions about anything written in this blog or just want help getting to the next step in your life, but aren’t sure how, feel free to contact me. I’m always happy to do what it takes to help others succeed.

To your health, wealth, and ultimate happiness!
Diane Boerstler
Life Coach, Law of Attraction Coach, and Speaker Extraordinaire
Author of CREATE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: LIFE!